What’s Up

Posted on March 6, 2011 by dickinabox

We’ve talked about it, and I’ve come to the realization that this last time, I was the one rushing things.

We’d been pushing ahead partly due to a particular scheduling commitment which we’d previously made. It sounded good in theory, but it turned out that trying to do this for external reasons like that just wasn’t working for us.

Figuring this out was actually quite a relief!

Also, I’ve spent some time hanging out on a bbs with all these lifestyle chastity folks which has been a terrific source of information (and inspiration) but it can be difficult to remember not to compare our situation with those of more advanced players who have been doing this for much longer. We’re just not there – and maybe we never will be. And that is OK! We’re figuring it out for us.

While I want to start playing again, I’m a feeling bit cautious due to Lukus having asked to stay out last time I unlocked him for the gym (and a previous somewhat unenthusiastic response). I do want to play again, but I want him to let me know when he is ready. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

If nothing else, there’s a predicament for you! ;-)

~Kiki

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Oh No, Not Again!

Posted on February 23, 2011 by dickinabox

Ugh. Real life again rears its ugly head, interfering in my happy little sex games. Meh!

After our brief break, I locked Lukus up again, which made me feel happy and sexy. Hard to tell whether it made him particularly happy. He is often quiet and subdued – especially compared to me, heart ever on my sleeve. He can be tough to read!

From other folks in the chastity community, I’ve learned that he likely does have mixed feelings, and that it can take a bit of time to start to enjoy being locked again after a release. Which is totally reasonable. All I can hope to do is be sensitive enough to know when to hold ‘im and when to fold ‘im. ;-) (I have NO intention of walking away!)

I should say here that I’m incredibly grateful to the real life chastity players who take the time to write about their lives and share their experiences with us random strangers out here. Writing this blog is partly a way of processing, but it’s also a way to pay it forward to other folks who might come along later, to show what it is really like (and, hopefully, that it is really possible).

That is why I blog my fears as much as my hopes.

Anyway, when I locked him up this time I didn’t use the dice, because we both pretty much know when he is coming out, due to some specific upcoming plans we have.

Our sleep schedules are often not a perfect match and I was really feeling like I needed a cuddle before bed last night. Unfortunately I had a hard time communicating that in an understandable way (although he did curl up with me, thank you Lukus) and then this morning I was up long before him, and still feeling a bit needy.

I figured I’d just ask him for a little afternoon snuggle time… but… before I got the chance, “real life” intervened, in that ^%^$#*%#&(^ way it has. And it screwed up all my lovely plans!

So now, Lukus is back in his (absolutely justifiable) blue funk – still locked – and I am again twisting in the wind as far as how to handle the situation, and especially what (if anything) to do about the cage.

I guess I should just wait and see if he asks me to remove it. If he does, it will be disappointing for me emotionally, even though I know that if he does ask, it isn’t one bit about me. I guess mostly I will feel bad that real life has spoiled our plans for fun and enjoyment together.

I imagine it would also be a disappointment for him (on top of the other stuff) too. But, if he is miserable, I really don’t want to be adding to that. If it needs to come off I trust him to tell me, and off it will come, right away.

Truth to tell, I’m really rather miffed at this! Not at Lukus, god knows – it is not his fault – but at the situation.

Today and the next few days were supposed to be chill and pleasant – for us – and this misfortune has cast a pall. I want to get back to focusing on the positive, on pleasure and joy and us again, but it isn’t up to me. Lukus is not to blame for the misfortune. It is simply one of those things that just has to be dealt with.

I guess if this is really going to become part of our real life (as opposed to an occasional bedroom game) then we are just going to have to figure out how to take the bitter as well as the sweet.

Apparently, that’s the current lesson plan. :-/

~Kiki

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Got my dice!

Posted on February 19, 2011 by dickinabox

Gaming dice are so cool. I had a flash of inspiration: roll to see which die to use! I’ll have to let him try a saving throw, of course. ;-) If he gets his saving throw, the choice reverts back to me. We’re not going to be rolling dice all night!

The set includes a d4, a d6 (the familiar cube, but numerals instead of pips) plus a d8, d10, d12, d20 and a second, double digit d10 which can be combined with the regular d10 to generate numbers up to 100. I don’t really expect to be playing with that one – unless I get back into D&D, hyuk hyuk.

So, that effectively makes six different dice. Because of this, it is possible to first roll the d6 to determine which of the dice will be used! I like that. I like that a lot.

However, I think at first I may just have him go through them in order. Don’t forget: you can roll a one on any size die!

I am also going to make him try for a saving throw every time, which will add even more randomness into our games as then he still won’t be quite sure whether what he threw will even apply.

If you want some dice of your own, you can get them at your local gaming emporium. Unless you live out in the middle of nowhere I guarantee you someplace nearby has this stuff, and it is so much more satisfying to see and feel them in person than to try to select based on photos. And, when was the last time you got a sex toy for $10?!

Ah, pervertibles!

While looking into this, I found a set of dice which say “d’oh” instead of the 1 – which would be really funny in this context! I wound up going for a pretty sparkly pink set instead. How I love my girly dice! It’s going to be such fun to make Lukus use them. I will have to come up with some devious games for us to play. Heh heh heh.

Uh, gotta go! ;-)

~Kiki

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Sex Toy Taxonomy

Posted on February 18, 2011 by dickinabox

It isn’t chastity-specific, but Lukus and I have come up with another idea for fun and games which is just too geeky not to share here. It’s another dice game, and this time we are going to number all of our sex toys and then roll to see what we play with!

I figure the way to do it is to first determine categories and roll for that, and then roll again for the individual item to use. This is going to require us to catalog all of our sex toys, which ought to be entertaining in itself!

So, let’s see… we’ve got:

01 – dildos
02 – butt toys
03 – vibrating toys
04 – cock accessories
05 – impact/sensation toys
06 – restraints

Is that it? If so, we can use a plain old d6 for category.

Where it gets complicated is that we do not have the same number of items in every category. Hmm. This may require more thought – or perhaps just a chart saying which die to use for each category. Also, some items may fit into more than one category!

Looks like we’re going to have to hit up our local D&D shop soon. Heh heh heh.

Edited to Add: I just found a site which offers gaming dice sets made of actual stone – although the metal ones might be more appropriate. How to choose? As I was commenting recently, this can be an expensive hobby – however, I do have to admit that it is a lot more fun than, say, knitting!

Should be fun introducing more toys (and more randomness) into our play! Hopefully we’ll remember to report back.

Good times! I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine’s Day (whether that means being locked, free, hitting the town or just hiding out). :-)

~ Kiki

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Onward, Through the Fog

Posted on February 7, 2011 by dickinabox

Since my last post, Lukus has been locked and released.  He locked himself up for me (so very sweetly) and I kept him in for a few days, then gave him another well deserved break.

We have been working really hard lately and I want this to be a pleasure for him – not a chore or something he has to endure, especially on top of so much unavoidable stress.  He has been super sweet and lovey dovey (just like I like) whether locked or not, so quite frankly I have scant motivation to lock him back up right now.

I actually think we both appreciate him being free as much as locked.  The contrast is certainly dramatic (and fun to play with).

Being locked makes being free special, and being free makes being locked special.  The two states complement one another, and either state can go on for days.  As long as we remain connected, it’s wonderful in whatever shape it takes.

I love feeling him cuddle up to me in bed, locked or unlocked.  I can tease and excite him, locked or unlocked.  We can make love, locked or unlocked.  In a way, it’s so simple!  (And in a way, it’s also complicated… heh!)

Onward, through the fog!  ;-)  As long as we’re in it together, I know we will find our way.

We’ve also talked more about dice games and have some ideas up our sleeves for when we have time to do something besides work all the time.  I’m looking forward to that!

<3,

~Kiki

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Relight my Fire

Posted on February 1, 2011 by dickinabox

So Lukus and I are enjoying some much needed time off, and I’ve been letting him roam free for, what… two days now!  Oh, my!

He was so good even when he really wasn’t especially into being locked up last week.  I had to let him out for some fun and play!

I like to give him a little bit of choice as to when he goes back in.  Not too much, but he has a tendency to “protest too much” sometimes so it is kinda fun for me to force some responsibility for his situation on him.  ;-)

I let him be out overnight (after some amazing sex) and then all day yesterday too as we ran errands and lounged around the house.  I was all set to lock him back up, when he approached me wanting more lovemaking.  Of course I said yes!

He truly made it worth saying yes to.  One of the things I have been reading about in the chastity community is the concept of edging, where you go to just the edge of orgasm and then draw back before going over.

This is a way that we have been playing in our regular sex for a long time.  It allows him to play for much longer periods of time.  

I am starting to think that edging is actually where it is at with this chastity thing, because it prolongs the time that men can participate in intercourse (and other activities) without coming… which gives us ladies plenty of time to get there ourselves, plus intensifies the eventual orgasm for both.  This is something that we have been doing all along and it is delicious!  T&D can go both ways!  ;-)

So there we were, going at it in the middle of the afternoon, when he gave me a ridiculously awesome orgasm, even by my usual high standards.

Wow!

I recovered a bit, and he let me know he hadn’t come yet.  I was impressed, but not surprised.  This is a big part of this kind of play.

So, I said that maybe I wasn’t going to let him come, and smiled.

He quickly reminded me that I was helplessly going “wow” not long ago, and suggested it would be most unfair to deny him after that.

So, of course, I let him.

I know, I’m a pushover.

Works for me!

Frankly, as long as he’s all sweet and lovey dovey, he can stay out as long as he likes.  It isn’t about the technical side for us, it’s about the experience.  And the longer he can keep me from locking him away, the better for us both, hmm?  Now, there’s a game!

~Kiki

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Back on the Inside

Posted on January 28, 2011 by dickinabox

Well… the time-out is over, as of yesterday.

I’d talked to Lukus about how he was feeling and he seemed better enough.  Since we had a really tedious day of work ahead of us, I thought it might be good timing to get back into it (not to mention, a pleasant distraction).  So he found me waiting with a smile on my face and the key around my neck when he got out of the shower.

Unfortunately, I’d underestimated the degree to which some bad luck the previous day was still bothering Lukus, so although he willingly stepped forward, he was quite a bit less enthusiastic about it than I’d anticipated.

This was one of those times when you just have to hold your breath and hope you are doing the right thing.  I didn’t want to be all worra worra worra, “oh noes, are you ok? should I unlock you?” so I decided to just go ahead with it, keeping an eye on him, but trusting that if he really needed out he would let me know.  That is our agreement and I am relying upon it.

We didn’t really talk about it during the day but I could see he was still in a blue funk.  I held firm to my resolve not to dither and worry, but to trust that he was ok, or would communicate with me if not.  Last night before bed, we sat on the couch and talked about some of the circumstances of the misfortune.

This morning we showered and when I unlocked him for cleaning (as usual) I told him that if it wasn’t working, to tell me; that I wanted to make things better and if it wasn’t, then there wasn’t much of a point.

This turned out to be just the right thing to do as he said it did help, and he simply had to figure out how to get over his mood.

So now we are apart for the day, and he is snugly locked down.  Whew!  It’s a lot of responsibility sometimes.  Almost as much as having a puppy!  But as long as I know it is truly what he wants, and it is clearly a good thing, I’m in.

And, so is he.  ;-)

~Kiki

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A quick time-out

Posted on January 25, 2011 by dickinabox

As Kiki pointed out, we didn’t make it to the full 4 days. She was totally right about the beginners enthusiasm. I’ve worn these things for up to a week at a time before, but it *has* been a while since we’ve played this way.

During the short lock-up term, we actually had sex several times; me without orgasm and Kiki cumming her little head off. :) What happened because of this is I developed a rather painful case of “blue balls.” At first it was fun feeling the pain, but after a while it just became too unbearable and the cage had to go! When I *finally* came, it was an orgasm so hard that I felt it all through my body, and Kiki was fearful that it was going to squirt out of her ears. ;) Seriously though, there was much more than the fabled 10cc’s.

I’ve been unlocked for a couple of days now because I have a really nasty cold and Kiki is recovering from one herself. I’m pretty sure that once this subsides we’ll get back into things (so to speak) and continue this crazy chastity rollercoaster ride.

Lukus
Current state:
Unlocked, Day 2.

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Receiving

Posted on January 25, 2011 by dickinabox

I’m enjoying delicious leftovers from an incredible meal made by a friend.  She invited us over for dinner and then insisted we go home with leftovers too.  I immediately felt guilty for taking so much – until I realized I wasn’t taking as much as receiving a gift that she truly wished to give.  It was more gracious to accept than it would have been to decline, even if my upbringing was telling me I “should” say no.  She’d have been disappointed – and I would have also lost out.

I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.

Sometimes I feel guilty about keeping Lukus locked up, even though I know it is what he wants.  It can be really tough not to feel bad, denying him orgasm while I get to have them.  But it’s hot, and he loves it, and boy oh boy eventually he does get his payoff!

I really saw that the other night.  It had “only” been three days (which is also the longest we’ve ever gone doing this together).  And it was amazing!

Balance and fairness do not require that everything is the same for us both.  I need to remember that.  What is important is that we are both happy and fulfilled.

~Kiki

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My Moon, My Man

Posted on January 24, 2011 by dickinabox

Well, turns out last night’s post was really rather prescient.  It actually was time to let him out, so that is what I did.

He assured me he wouldn’t be disappointed… and he sure didn’t seem to be.  ;-)

I love him so much!

One of the things I am most enjoying about this experiment is that it is causing us to communicate (around it, and in general) so much more.

It is really helping me as I feel my way along.  I’m also enjoying the creativity it is bringing out in both of us as we figure out new ways to play.  And the closeness as we snuggle, hold and touch each other – manna to my soul!

(The fucking ridiculously awesome sexiness doesn’t hurt, either!)

I know no one but Lukus is reading this, but it is still helpful to me to get my thoughts out.  I’m really excited about exploring more and I can tell he is too.  It’s his kink, to be sure, but it is quickly becoming mine too… perhaps it already has.

;-)

~Kiki

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